Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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