Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
