I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I came so hard my ears popped.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
