thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
