Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
