Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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