I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
