Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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