found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
