SEEEEXXX PLEASE
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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