Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
