is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
