i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
