You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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