If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
