i think my tv is drunk
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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