You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
