Well douche your snatch and let's go!
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
