Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
