Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
