I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
