i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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