Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
