This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
