Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
