I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
