so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
