i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
