It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
