Sry I called you an 8
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Randomize
