nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
That accounts for only three of the penises
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
