just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
