Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
