Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
