OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
worst night to have a conscience
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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