You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
