just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
