it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
