the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
