if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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