ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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