My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
