jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
