i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
