allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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