I wanna bring you to show and tell
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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