First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
