Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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