Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
