honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
