the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
