why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
