I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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