Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
